Something Political Wut

It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Muffler Man!

This past week has exhibited as intellectually stimulating television debates as a Yo Yo Honey Singh interview. The first thing you see when you unfurl your morning newspaper is something stupid the Muffler CM of Delhi did the night before. It may or may not involve dharnas in front of the Rail Bhavan, conveniently located 15 minutes away from G.B. Road, New Delhi’s hottest destination when it comes to nocturnal ventures; Cabinet meetings in the Maruti Suzuki WagonR, the common man’s new Ford Anglia and a huge furore over AAP’s own in-house stand-up comic’s racist remarks about nurses from Kerala, remarks that he made years ago, in 2009, when he looked like a cleaner version of Nawazuddin Siddiqui . And here, I am talking about Kumar Vishwas, the next Kristen Stewart. And I say Kristen Stewart so she is a constant reminder to him of the reaction his jokes award him.

When you open your various social media handles, you see tweets, posts, videos and photos so distorted, watching 3D without the glasses feels easier on the eyes; all about the new kid on the block, and all waiting to pounce on its slightest mistakes. So when Delhi’s Law Minister slips up and goes batshit crazy, waving pitchforks at the middle of the night, pointing the finger of death at hapless policemen, berating them of being hand-in-glove with prostitution and drug rackets organised by the Incredible Hulk’s darker relatives; the vultures do all want a piece of Somnath Bharti, whose subsequent actions prove to us that the world is moving towards a future, verily depicted in Idiocracy; the only difference is that this time, it will be shot in India. When summoned by a commission made of righteous women who wished to know why he made Ugandan women pee in a cup in front of the general public (he should keep his personal fantasies to himself), he ignored them and went to fly kites. He needs to be immortalised as yet another socially awkward penguin meme.

The AAP as a fledgling party, is making quite a colossal ass of itself. From Mr. Kejriwal threatening his only support, ThePartyOwnedByThatPrettyDude’sMother, with exposes and his party riding the racism high, living exactly upto middle-class expectations, comments like “What a Yeda man” are not entirely unwarranted. Kejru might finally have retired from his dharna (let’s face it, it’s too cold outside for anybody to be freezing his balls off on the street) on the pretext that his mission has been accomplished (the cops he wished to suspend were sent off on leave), but he needs to tread carefully for Delhi has now become the proverbial political minefield with the entry of Arnab Goswami’s television channel (Seriously, that dude is probably going to get shot one day, the rate at which he’s pissing people off). But if Kejru keeps shooting his mouth off about how he’s an anarchist, us Delhiities… might just line up behind him seeing as how the word ‘anarchist’ is totally cool and whatever other people think is cool is something we need to ape. Like Che Guevara’s t-shirts exploding off the shelves. You ask someone wearing that t-shirt who Che Guevara is, you’ll probably get a blank stare. As all politically aware people know, it’s code for Modi’s airbending song, “NaMo NaMo PM Go Go”. My point is, enough of AAP already, I want to know how Priyanka Gandhi manages to look at Robert Vadra in the capacity of her pati parmeshwar. Seriously, does she not get AIDS or something?

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