INGREDIENTS REQUIRED FOR THE MAIN DISH:
5 feet 9 inches of soft flesh-like material (not necessarily off a human corpse; Pandora-like material will do)
2 oz. of thick, cord-like hair, finely frizzed
2 eyeballs of crazy
150 grams of sarcasm blended with snazzy jazz pants
500 metres per second of a sweet, albeit unused, voice emanating from the dusty remains of what was once a fine larynx
4 syringes of Breaking Benjamin fluid, toned to a rock and roll consistency
10 feet of snow mixed with unbrideled pressure
Fiery writings usually rejected for their provocative quality by lesser beings, to taste
TOTAL TIME REQUIRED:
5 hours, including 3 for fighting for the rights of nerdy people
INSTRUCTIONS FOR THIS MAGNIFICENT CREATION:
Gradually sauteé the hair onto the flesh in a hot water spring somewhere in the Himalayas, preferably with a sheer cliff rising against your back. Mix the rest of the ingredients, vigorously beating them to a fine pulp. Now gently fold in this mixture with the former, remembering to cause an avalanche by using the woofers to play Breaking Benjamin. Freeze the resultant under the snow, keeping in mind that the best dishes are made with snarky witticism and a pinch of salt. Serve frozen to emotionally challenged people who enjoy the company of people similar to themselves.
Serving Size: 1 (5 ft. 9 inches of pure awesomeness)
Protein: nil, hence very little musculature
Total Fat: You do not ask a woman her weight, shame on you sir.
Saturated Fat: Refer to ‘Total Fat’
Dietary Fibres: Habitual nail biter, so keratin isn’t an issue
Calories: Joules, metres, seconds, kilograms… Are we done?
Sodium: Oh plenty, considering the salty humor this post is going to beget.